Father Jack wrote:I'd reply with a really sarcastic email, unsurprisingly
Ever read this guy's emails? Brilliant! I think one of the lions may talk a little...!
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To: Bob Servant
Subject: Delete This At Your Peril
FROM HIS ROYAL HIGHNEST, JACK THOMPSON
Dear sir,
Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business. I am JACK THOMPSON, only son of late King Arawi of tribal land. My father was a very wealthy traditional ruler, poisoned by his rivals. Before his death here in Togo he told me of a trunk containing $75m kept in a security company. I now seek a foreign partner where I will transfer the proceeds for investment as you advise. I am willing to offer 20% of the sum as a compensation for your effort/input and 5% for any expenses. Thanks and God bless,
JACK THOMPSON
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Good morning your Majesty,
I want 30%, and not a penny less,
Your Servant,
Bob Servant
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob,
See these percentages was arranged by the bank and not me. If you insist on getting 30% of the money i have to call the bank. Pls send your: FULL NAME. CONTACT PHONE NUMBER. ACCOUNT NUMBER. COUNTRY/STATE. I will be expecting those details. thanks.
JACK THOMPSON
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Hello Jack,
I'm afraid I just cannot take my share in cash, too dangerous. I could take it in diamonds, gold, or livestock (lions). My neighbour, Frank Theplank, has a private zoo. He is willing to pay $80,000 for every lion I can get him,
Bob
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob,
I have made arrangement in transporting the 4 lions to you. So give me your phone number for better communication and bank information,
Thanks,
Jack
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Hi Jack,
I just popped my head over the garden wall and had a word with Frank. He has asked me to pass on a few questions – Are they male or female? Are they in good physical condition? Do they talk? Thank you, my friend, and don't worry, I have booked in to see the bank manager tomorrow morning,
Bob
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob,
Hope fine. Answer to the questions:
1. The lions are all male lions and are very healthy.
2. I don't think I have ever seen a lion that talks.
I don't know if you are also interested in leopards cause my friend works in the Government Zoo and he could find a leopard for you? Remember to speak to your bank tomorrow.
Thanks,
Jack
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Jack,
Frank just called, he will take the following – 4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 elephant, 1 alligator, 2 parrots, 1 hedgehog. And, of course, the talking lion? Frank has a good few quid. He's worked for me on various bits and bobs, and I've always looked after him, so I think we should put our necks out on this one and make sure the lions talk.
Bob
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob.
I will only be able to get: 4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 alligator. Bob, please send the £1,700 now. I think one of the lions may talk a little. Thanks,
Jack
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Hello Jack,
Sorry about the delay. Frank wants to know a last couple of things – Can he call the lions "FANCY PANTS" and "BRYAN"? Do the leopards sing, and are they willing to wear clothes?
All the best babes,
Bob
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob,
As for the lions, you can call them any name provided you shout when talking to them and always use the same name. And trained leopards like the one I have for you will wear any clothes you buy for them OK. Please send the money today,
Jack
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Jack,
I have some bad news, my friend. I have just been to the bank and the guy there said that I cannot send you any money as I do not have any in my account. In actual fact, it turns out that I owe them over eight grand. I'm really sorry, Jack, I hope I haven't wasted your time, but I'm afraid that the deal is off. Good luck my friend, and good luck with the animals.
Love,
Bob
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